Five ... the new Fifteen?

Proudly presenting ... the new, the improved ... the FIVE year old Grayson...

Since turning five and in the weeks leading up to the big event, Grayson has been exhibiting quite a mature attitude towards life.   First off, his curiosity is at an all time high - it's a time of exploration, inspiration and perspiration (for me - the 100 degree Texas heat isn't helping)  Lots and lots of questions, mostly innocuous rantings or efforts to stall certain mundane routine events such as teeth brushing and such.  But more and more the questions turn serious, at least in the terms that we (adults) think of them.  Deep questions - the ones you aren't at all prepared for as a parent of a 5 year old.  Big stuff like, when is time going to end?  Or how old are/am/is you/I/everyone going to be when you/I/they die?  The kind of questions that leave me searching, stretching for the right words.  I try not to hesitate.  I think to myself, these are the moments I can only hope will foster his trust in me and encourage him to open to me even when he does actually turn 15.  So I keep talking.  Eventually I come to a point or not.  He doesn't seem to care either way.  As long as I have an answer.  Even sometimes, I don't know Love.

It was 10 years ago today...

"I do"

Parting with the Pirates

Last night we watched as Grayson rounded the bases for the last time as a first time t-ball player.  We'll never forget our season with the Pirates.  On so many levels, most of which will remain private between Brad and I, the experience has changed us forever.  All of us.

For me it was a lesson of surrender - stepping back and letting Brad take the lead.  This is his show.  And rightly so.  This is father and son stuff.   I'll watch from the sidelines (that's football, I know) as faithful cheerleader and novice photo journalist.  But I have to admit, I was hesitant about all of this. If you ask him he's 4 years, 11 months and "how many days" mom?  But to me, he's just 4.  And 4 is not 5.  To me, he's still Cush, and always will be.  The first time he put on a batting helmet he looked as if he could tip over with the slightest breeze.  How could he possibly run the bases with that thing on?  But he did and won the hearts of all of those there that night as he jaunted, ever so casually of course from base to base.  How could you not fall in love with him - our Littlest Leaguer. 

As for Brad, I'll let him chime in with a blog post of his own - his p.o.v on the Pirates.  From where I sat, I saw a proud dad and a committed coach. 

I can't wait to ask 18 or 20 year old Grayson what he learned when he thinks back to his t-ball days.  Surely he'll say that's when he first learned the importance of teamwork and what it means to start what you finish.  Did I mention we had a hard time getting him out of the dugout for the first game?  I wasn't the least bit prepared for that conversation.  Remember ... he's 4.  I had to dig deep and channel my inner Tiger Mom - a healthy dose of my father's firm but pragmatic approach mixed with my mother's softer, innate sensibilities. "Your part of a team now, they are depending on you."  I think the rest of it was nearly word for word plagiarism of my father's "You Can't Quit Now" speech (circa 1988, Texas State Gymnastic Championships, 3rd rotation, Uneven Bars)  But it worked!  He shuffled on out to box, swung for the fence and never looked back. 

Now to end to this retrospective - this is Grayson "warming up" as we walked over to the fields one night ... what level is your motor on?

Spring Flinging

Ok. So February and March are history and I haven't kept with my goal of at least one blog post a month.  Good news is I have been really trying hard to stay on track with my New Years resolutions.   It's not always possible to sleep more and slow things down.  But I am trying.  And I have a few more wine corks to show for it. 

Spring.
Baseball.
Camping. 

January

2012? It can't be 2012!  It sounds so futuristic. So Stanley Kubrick. But alas we're living it and it's FAST. Maybe it's because we missed the New Year all together. After spending New Years Eve in the ER (Stella, double ear infection, 104.7 degrees - as if I'll ever forget) the rest of January played out in fast-forward and we never did get back to making our New Years resolutions. I had intended for this to be the year for a family-wide resolution. I figure Grayson is old enough now to contribute in such a way. I guess it's not too late - I'll put it our the wish list for this weekend.

In case we don't get to it this weekend, I've secretly adopted my own three-pronged, fully alliterated resolution ... SLOW it down, keep it SIMPLE and get some SLEEP. (did I mention we haven't slept through the night for 14 months?)  It does seem Stella has resolved to sleep a bit more in 2012. Last week, she slept for 9 hours straight for the first time in her life. Of course Brad and I weren't here to witness this sleep-a-thon. This happened under Nana & Gan's watch. Which doesn't surprise me a bit. Nana's got the touch. Always has, always will.

Back to the double ear infection ... that was the first of a back-to-back, double whammy of ear infections. Fingers crossed that we'll pass the doctor's inspection tomorrow with no clear and present danger lurking in Stella's tiny ear canals. We're also due for a weight check, something I thought was reserved for the newborn months. But Stella's growth chart is looking quite bearish after taking a dive after the New Year's Eve incident. I'm betting we're back on track now - my biceps are like a fine tuned weigh station. When she's growing, I feel it.

And Grayson, well, we're set for the kindergarten welcome walk this Friday. [Sigh.] This is a tough one for me. I want to feel good about it, but to be honest I'm not quite there yet. Maybe Friday will ease my mind. But I think this is going to have to play out a bit more before I can let my guard down. For one, we're placing our bets on the public school system, at least for now. I never thought there would be so many question marks on this topic - kindergarten, and school in general just seemed so automatic, so easy when I was young. There weren't many decisions really. But now you can pick a side and debate just about every aspect of the school-aged years. Red-shirting is the hot topic today and a controversial one that we seem to be stuck in the middle of with no clear long-term point of view to help guide us. What is red-shirting? More to come on this and other Grayson goings ons ... after I get some sleep. (hopefully before March)